Will you blow on my dice?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just made my gag reflex go away.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
