I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
