great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
