Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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