My Higher Power is John Stamos
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
