he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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