Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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