Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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