i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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