update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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