i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
