1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
