So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well I just put wine in my tea
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
