it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
