well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
