Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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