meet me or not, i'm out of control
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
