Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
