Yo dont text me then not text me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
