What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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