when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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