So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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