also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
