this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
only if we run a train.
done.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
