I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
