i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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