just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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