Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
