The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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