last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
