When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
