when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize