weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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