We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
