I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize