I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
