Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
