weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
