By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
