That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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