apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
