He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
