Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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