Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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