I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
