So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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