Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
