and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
