You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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