Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Randomize
