She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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