so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
