This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just googled if crying burns calories
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize