Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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