I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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