Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
