i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
