im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
