Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
