Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There r osticjed everywhere
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
