I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
