Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
