this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
