yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
