I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
