sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
