I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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