Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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